Goodbye 2018

Let’s face it, every year that ticks by we always think about the bad the things that have happened over the year. Loss, hardship, missed opportunities, losing loved ones and so forth. Every year is met with challenges and some of those we can’t do anything about. Then there’s planning what you want for the new year. This is never ever as easy as you want it to be. The truth is though, we need to stop thinking that way.
Every year it’s the same thing, be healthy, save money, do something fantastic, get that big promotion, make a lifestyle change. Look, that’s all fine and dandy but how many years have gone by and you’ve accomplished that. We all have lofty goals for this one life that we are all given but that’s just it, we only get one. Why are you thinking so small? Stop with all of that. Make some damn goals! This year I’m setting up my goals for life. So here we go.

Goal #1 – Be Humble

Let’s start out by being more humble with what I have. It’s true, there is a lot of want in this world. We live and die by the needs of commerce. There are things in this world that can be bought that will bring a slight bit of happiness for a period of time.

This year I finally made the move to upgrade my computer so that I can stream and play games better. I got everything setup and running and that was great. Then the first few weeks, I really didn’t bother doing much on it because I was more concerned with the amount of money I spent on it. It probably could have waited just a little bit longer but I had to have it. As of right now though, I don’t regret it. It’s done and now it’s time to make something of it.

I have been streaming again here and there. Making new content on my Twitch page and interacting with new viewers. My content hasn’t exactly changed but my relief that the system is working much better than it used to is a great feeling.

Basically, I just need to humble myself.

Goal #2 – Work on buying a home

It’s really time I got my ass out of paying rent. A lot of people say that owning a home is extremely hard and at times not worth it, but like my first goal, it’s hard to be humble about what you have when all you’re paying for is a place to rest your head. Sure, it’s home but I’m not paying for something I can call mine. I’m paying for something that I’m basically borrowing. I want to start owning what I’m putting my money into.

When I decided to buy my car instead of leasing, it was because I’m capable of taking care of my car for many years to come. Sure, the newest and latest cars will always have a draw to them, but at the end of the loan I’ll have a car I own without owing anymore money. Renting an apartment/home just feels so empty when you realize that it’s not yours. So this year, I’m going to be making major strides to make a home purchase. Nothing extravagant but something I can call mine.

Goal #3 – See more of the world

This one has been a goal for a while but it needs to happen. My biggest hurdle has been my damn passport and I for real needs to get that damn thing. I’ve been slacking so hard on that but this year I will work on getting it and then the world will be mine. I believe I have enough vacation time already to travel around the world in 40 days but I’m not going to do it all at one time. I’m only 36 right now and I got many years to see what this world has to offer.

Goal #4 – Stay healthy in body and mind

I’m sure I’ve talked about it with a lot of people that my acid reflux has been a problem for many many years but only this year have I kept up with it. It has gotten much better but now I need to make sure my body is happy.

There are a few things I haven’t been doing since I left Hawaii and exercise is absolutely one of those things. I used to have abs, tone legs, and as someone once put it, “OMG You have back dimples. That’s sexy.” Now a days I’ve been letting a lot of my old self slip. It has nothing to do really with my capability to exercise, I just haven’t cared at all is the problem. I’m realizing though that I’m getting fucking old and if I don’t stay in some manageable state of health, I won’t have that opportunity to see the world. I won’t be able to enjoy the home I eventually bought. I won’t be able to do a great many things.

My mind is much of the same. 2018 was a painful year and while I had many successes professionally, there was a lot of things that went wrong.

Goal #5 – Publish a novel 

This one is a funny one. I remember high school as being a time that I couldn’t give a shit about English. Sure I read a book here and there but it was nothing that I took to heart as something I’d like to create. Today though, there are so many stories and ideas in my head that I’d love to turn into a novel. Nothing special just a short story maybe or even a trilogy.

All in all though, this is just a list of life goals. This isn’t all of them, but this is the list that I’m starting on for 2019. Barring some dick bag of a President getting in the way of all this happening is still up in the air but I have set some goals and I plan on sticking to it.

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Goodbyes are always the hardest

Goodbyes are the hardest thing to deal with in life. Whether they be friends, family, or someone you just met. Goodbye is that one thing that can bid someone a fond farewell on the hopes that you see that person again soon. Maybe someday it’ll be, “Hello.” However, there are times you never get that chance to say goodbye. Today is one of those days for me. I wish it wasn’t so, but the day that I was hoping to never hear has come. My grandma has been the strongest woman I have ever known. Her being gone now is a matter of disbelief for me because she was such a strong Hawaiian woman. She was someone who didn’t take shit from anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I’m so stubborn because of her. You could just tell that she had this amazing strength no one could compare to. In her last years, I no one could see that she grew tired and that strength was subsiding. However, she stayed stubborn anyways. Of the many things I loved about my grandmother was that she didn’t care what anybody thought. She had a strong will with God. God was there for her every step of the way no matter what the situation. She believed if she prayed hard enough God would be there to help you along. I’m glad that she was there to teach me some of the values that she held dear. It hurts so much to write down how I’m feeling right now but I know that in the end it is what she wanted. She was in so much pain the last time I saw her that I could tell she didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I don’t blame her though. She’s lived an amazingly long life.

I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye.

Goodbye Fanny Ki’a’ina-Chong.

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