So here I am, laying alone after having an amazing weekend at TwitchCon 2019, depressed and angry. Angry with myself, life, the things I see and the things I really can’t do shit about.
What should I be angry about? I’m just angry at the fact that I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life on love. I’ve made so many attempts in my lifetime to find someone to love only for it to turn out for the worst for me.
It’s not my place to tell someone I’ve dedicated my life to, to remain unhappy until I can be happy. However, it always seems like, once I’m out of their lives, they go on to live happily ever after.
Some people say that life’s greatest lessons are learned through pain, yet it doesn’t seem like I’ve learned a damn thing. Instead, it’s from me that others have learned from to be happy.
Yes, I admit that I was the one who broke off my last relationship. Mentally and emotionally for me, it just wasn’t good for me. In the end she realized that she was constantly hurting me. Now though everything is just peachy for her and here I am, sad, angry and alone again.
Whether she learned from what she was doing to me or not, I’m still here pissed at the world that I live in.
They say that everyone deserves to be happy, but I’m barely really ever happy anymore. It’s far to hard to be. Others say that you have to learn to love yourself before loving another. I’m not even sure if I can anymore. I’m such a failure to be honest that I don’t think there’s much left to love.